As we all have values that we live life by, whether we live up to these values is determined by a series of rules that are attached to the value. For example, we may value success, and the rule that we have attached to success is that to be successful we must earn more than $1,000,000 a year. Another person may have a rule for success saying that if they wake up each morning then they are successful. Yet another person may have a complex web of rules relating to success that ensures they never are successful by their own rules.

Most of these rules are lodged in our subconscious and we are never really aware of them on the conscious level. So you can see that it is incredibly useful for us if we become aware of these rules. It is even more beneficial for us if we can become aware of these rules and then change them to ensure we meet our values.

When changing a rule it is important that you choose rules that are achievable, but also give you room to grow and move forwards. So let's start by finding out what some of your rules are. Write out your rules for each of the following points. You are writing down what conditions need to be met in order for you to feel a success, a failure, or so on.

For success
For failure
For being loved
For being happy

When you have written these down, write out what rules you would like to have for these. One person I know had this rule for being happy, "If I wake up each morning able to breath." Now that's an easy rule to meet isn't it? Many of our rules are complex, hard to meet and often contradictory.

By defining these rules we can gain a valuable insight into the way our minds work, which allows us to take control of your life. If you have the time and inclination, why not write down some of the rules in other areas of your life too?

Remember also that other people have rules, so when you are dealing with people their rules apply too. For example, your partner will have rules for being loved within a relationship, your boss will have rules for you being successful, and your children will have rules for you being a good parent and for their success. If you can find out other peoples rules then you can use them in your dealings with them to be more fulfilled and clear in your communication.